WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.597 --> 00:00:03.852
Now this man moved out of the White House almost two years ago,
這個人在快兩年前搬出了白宮。

2
00:00:03.909 --> 00:00:08.331
and the absence of George W. Bush left a void in many a late night comedy show.
小布希的消失讓許多夜間搞笑節目少了許多笑料。

3
00:00:08.331 --> 00:00:13.468
But now Bush is back and cracking jokes at himself. Here's Jeane Moos.
不過，現在布希回來了，而且還大開自己的玩笑。以下是吉妮‧莫斯帶來的報導。

4
00:00:15.386 --> 00:00:18.326
Remember those "Miss me yet" billboards?
還記得那些「想念我了嗎」的看板嗎？

5
00:00:18.330 --> 00:00:21.898
Well, now you can't miss him. He's everywhere.
這下你肯定不可能不想到他了，因為到處都是他的身影。

6
00:00:21.898 --> 00:00:23.934
Driving around with Sean Hannity.
和漢尼提一起搭車四處轉轉。

7
00:00:23.934 --> 00:00:25.881
You didn't elect me 'cause I was Shakespeare.
你們選我又不是因為我是莎士比亞。

8
00:00:26.106 --> 00:00:32.455
Smooching with Oprah. Getting playfully slapped. Holding hands again and again.
和歐普拉玩親親，被她笑鬧著打著玩，一次又一次和她握手。

9
00:00:32.744 --> 00:00:33.897
Come on in.
進來吧。

10
00:00:34.247 --> 00:00:36.843
Gallantly helping up Oprah. Suddenly,
殷勤地扶歐普拉站起來。

11
00:00:36.843 --> 00:00:43.391
he's "president lovable," telling self-deprecating stories about life with his wife after the White House.
他突然成了「討人喜愛的總統」，說著自嘲的故事，描述自己卸任後和太太的生活。

12
00:00:43.430 --> 00:00:45.136
I said, "Free at last."
我說：「終於解脫了。」

13
00:00:46.677 --> 00:00:50.224
And she says, "Yeah, you're free all right. You're free to do the dishes."
她說：「是啊，你整晚都沒事，你可以去洗碗了。」

14
00:00:51.838 --> 00:00:55.217
Hey, these are the guys who are supposed to be making the jokes.
嘿，說笑話的應該是這些人才對。

15
00:00:55.234 --> 00:00:57.939
I miss having a funny president, I'm sorry, but...
我很懷念有個搞笑的總統，抱歉，不過……

16
00:00:58.000 --> 00:00:59.695
Funny days are here again.
充滿笑料的日子又來了。

17
00:00:59.900 --> 00:01:01.955
Has President Bush started drinking again?
布希總統是不是又開始喝酒了？

18
00:01:02.213 --> 00:01:10.317
The so-called Bush's brain and Dick Cheney knew full well that one wasn't my brain
所謂的布希腦袋和錢尼都非常清楚其中一個不是我的腦袋，

19
00:01:10.317 --> 00:01:14.985
and the other wasn't running the White House.
而另一個並沒有主掌白宮。

20
00:01:15.007 --> 00:01:20.111
Letterman did "Great Moments in Presidential Memoirs,"from Ulysses S. Grant to...
賴特曼播出了一段「總統回憶錄精選片段」，內容從格蘭特總統到……

21
00:01:20.137 --> 00:01:22.359
Memoirs by Harry S. Truman.
杜魯門的回憶錄。

22
00:01:23.378 --> 00:01:26.887
The Japanese began the war from the air at Pearl Harbor.
日本在珍珠港上空開啟了戰端。

23
00:01:27.169 --> 00:01:29.731
Decision Points by George W. Bush.
小布希的《決策點》。

24
00:01:30.029 --> 00:01:32.245
I'm drunk at the dinner table.
我在晚餐桌上喝醉了。

25
00:01:32.364 --> 00:01:38.052
But who needs drinking jokes when former President Bush is telling his own jaw-dropping stories
不過，這下誰還需要飲酒笑話呢？布希總統自己就透露了這則令人目瞪口呆的故事，

26
00:01:38.052 --> 00:01:43.441
about being drunk at a dinner with his parents and saying this to a lovely 50-year-old woman.
內容提到有一次他和父母共進晚餐的時候喝醉了，而且還向一名美貌的五十歲婦女說了這句話。

27
00:01:43.441 --> 00:01:48.926
And I'd had too much to drink. And I said to her, out loud, "What is sex like after 50?"
我當時多喝了兩杯，結果大聲對她說：「五十歲以後做那檔事的感覺怎麼樣？」

28
00:01:50.940 --> 00:01:53.489
Inducing gasps and then laughs.
先是讓人倒抽一口氣，接著則是哄堂大笑。

29
00:01:53.493 --> 00:01:58.338
When I was governor of Texas, I turned 50 and I got a note from the lady [that] said, "Well, what's the answer?"
我當德州州長的時候年滿五十，結果收到那名女士的一張短箋，上面寫著：「怎麼樣，答案呢？」

30
00:01:59.666 --> 00:02:01.134
Comedian-in-chief.
搞笑總司令。

31
00:02:01.512 --> 00:02:04.594
Some comedians got laughs without even making jokes,
有些搞笑藝人甚至不必說笑話也能引人發笑，

32
00:02:04.594 --> 00:02:09.244
just by reading the president's words about cleaning up after his dog Barney.
只要唸出總統描述自己幫他的愛犬巴尼清理排泄物的詞句就行了。

33
00:02:09.610 --> 00:02:15.171
There I was, the former president of the United States, with a plastic bag on my hand,
我就在那裡，這個美國前總統，就這樣手裡拿著塑膠袋，

34
00:02:15.813 --> 00:02:19.584
picking up that which I had been dodging for the past eight years.
撿著我過去八年來一再閃避的東西。

35
00:02:21.030 --> 00:02:23.083
We're only a couple of days into the book tour,
新書的巡迴宣傳之旅才剛展開幾天，

36
00:02:23.083 --> 00:02:27.377
and already the former president has been credited with creating a new Bushism.
這位前總統就已經創造了新的布希奇言。

37
00:02:29.230 --> 00:02:31.193
We were inyuandated with threats.
我們面對了「小片」般飛來的威脅。

38
00:02:31.422 --> 00:02:35.114
Ah, for the days when we were inyuandated with Bushisms.
啊，為過去那個布希奇言如「小片」般飛來的日子乾一杯吧。

39
00:02:35.114 --> 00:02:38.759
Is it the president's conscience, or his conscious that's clear?
是總統問心無愧？還是他問心無虧？

40
00:02:38.811 --> 00:02:40.188
So my conscious is clear.
我問心無虧。

41
00:02:40.306 --> 00:02:43.080
Maybe the media should be more conscientious.
也許媒體應該再更用心一點。